Dictated over mutual feelings
I am probably a robot.
Or,
I just don’t have the guts or the initiative to accept my feelings especially for someone. I am far too prideful to admit to someone that I like him because I assume that he’ll laugh at my face and turn his back on me. I always do that even to the most obvious guys that blatantly say they like me. I simply shut down at the thought of seriously liking somebody.
I am afraid of commitment.
Yet there are times when I just want to strangle myself from being too happy with just a pat on the back by the guy I fancy. What is wrong with me?? I am not human 
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Tags: boys, crush, frustration, society, talk shit
Dictated over a rotten country
Bibinka souffle
You’re still at the starting point of your life, while we’re already finishing ours.
When my parents use that kind of proverbial expression, it’s hard to argue with them. I would always retort, given that right amount of timing, how time plays a vital key. Ten years ago is very different to the era they grew up in. How they raised me may not be the exact same manner they were raised. Sometimes the principles of my mother would also contradict my father’s, confusing as a crossword!
There’s a huge gap in my growth as a citizen. Yes, you read right, a citizen of my motherland. I often would reminisce the simplicity of my childhood versus the younger generations now. Our form of amusement was more physical, like playing outside and climbing trees. The peak of our childhood was the great use of our imagination. While kids these days, hold onto gadgets like a life support system. I had a patient who told me he failed in his Filipino test because he simply is not well versed with our local language. The kid speaks English well, enough to make my nose bleed, kudos to him but please practice on your Filipino.
With the influence of the media, we’re adapting cultures not even fit for our country. Even the laws being passed here are not even as applicable as what the law makers think they are. Heck, one health bill currently being passed right now is actually being revised and reinstated by those whom we’ve adopted the laws from. Lets say that I live in a developing country who is idolizing and partly being manipulated by developed countries. We’re a long way to go, and as Father Time has been witnessed, we’re a country that does not learn from our mistakes. I may not be the right person to outspokenly say this, but I do my research and listen by word of mouth from the elders.
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Tags: bibinka, country, delicacy, jeepney, nationalism, Philippines, souffle
This is not a dictation from my ulcer. Surprisingly or maybe unbeknownst to my consciousness, earlier today I felt a void. Something has been nagging me and waiting for me to realize this void. While I tried searching for clues, I stopped by social media sites just to kill time. I found this and thought how befitting and at the same time entertaining, so here…
read up on
Life Lessons from How I Met Your Mother.
If you have no idea what that is, google it because you have been living under a rock.
Continue reading ‘Oh look, life lessons from the social media’
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Tags: HIMYM, how i met your mother, life, living
Fix Myself
When you try your best but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse
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Tags: life, work
The dictator says when it rains…
it fucking pours. Two days straight, it literally held my emotions in soaking wet oblivion. The worst part is, I know I cannot calm myself down knowing I have anger and I have guilt inside my heart.
Maybe I have this foresight. I few weeks back I thought “something is not right, why do I feel like everything is so perfect…“
and then just yesterday boom!
Heavens heard my questioning cry and gave me not one but two unnerving events of my week. It was painful. It was sorrow. It was betrayal. It’s hard to divulge the entirety of the situations but there goes my anger…my anxiety…
Don’t sweat the small stuff, they say. Maybe I should forget, forgive, and smile at those who wronged me and whom I have wronged. It’s never easy but it’s worth a shot.
Then again, I am like the Hulk. I am calm and collected but hit me with something and I rage. I rage so much I cannot even fathom to smile and give a shot at compassion. These conflicting emotions and values cannot hold me still.
Next time, bring an umbrella.
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Tags: anger, bad day, betrayal, emotions, guilt, life, work
Dictated over dumplings
Love is like choosing which Chinese dumpling to eat.
There are a variety of them and each have their special flavors. Take for example Xiao Long Bao, dumplings that have soup inside together with the meat. The contents are carefully wrapped by a delicate sheet just waiting to be eaten, then once you take a bite the soup bursts inside your mouth. You escalate into oblivion. The story about a naive girl is similar to eating Xiao Long Bao. There are three guys in the story, but mind you, it’s not a love story in the exact sense.
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Tags: boys, Chinese dumplings, dumplings, life, love
The Ulcer says a standstill
…is probably at hand. I imagine a huge grandfather clock with my name embedded on it is being paused by the great forces.
Life is so slow right now. I feel like time’s a wasting. Or is it? A rundown of my life the past weeks, of endless battles with my emotions and anxieties, here is a list of the mundanes:
- Booked tickets for a 5-days South Korea trip coming this October
Buying a new iPhone case- Lost my source of income-allowance
- Treated our helper for her birthday
- Donated to Church
- Binged on red velvet cake
- Gave a 30-minute short lecture on ankle-foot orthosis approach
Will invest on the market- Bought 2 books to read: Valley of Bones & Bloodline
- Immersed myself in watching Olympics
- Discovered the TV show: The Newsroom
Maybe it’s not a standstill after all, but maybe it’s just an illusion. It seems like I am in and out of gaining money also. Frankly, spend more and donate to charity when you have nothing. It will come back a thousand folds. Just believe. If all else fails, jump off a cliff and sell one of your kidneys.
During this time when I am mournful, I am more than brave to run about and strike my wand at every opportunity for something to embarrass me or vindicate me. I do not know anymore what the drift of my life is. In the meantime, I try to immerse myself with television series or novels because it’s my escape into the realm of imagination. I do not want to face every person and fake a smile. I do not want to lie to them, much so lie to myself that I am just fine and dandy. Maybe buying that red velvet cake was my form of justice or maybe donating to the church and giving money away is my form of sorrow.
Most of all,
maybe writing is in between joy and sorrow. Maybe.
Filed under: Dictated at Home, Dictated at Work, Dictated on a whim!!!, Dictated on Life | Leave a Comment
Tags: life, physical therapy, physiotherapy, talk shit, ulcer, work
My ulcer lets out a sigh
It’s half past 1 in the morning. I’m wide awake, thinking about going to work and the anticipation I have with two of my patients. The other day I presented them with options regarding their cases. One of the patients have a dislocated hip prosthesis, how it happened still remains a mystery but I do need to thoroughly re-evaluate her tomorrow for that. The patient was not mine to handle during her initial phases of therapy so it’s a bit hard to intervene at mid-phase of rehabilitation. Oh yeah, if one must know, I am a practicing physical therapist 
Anyway, I am rather frustrated now that I realized something. I presented her with an alternative in hopes to try out a new method and to alleviate her pain. Unfortunately, I was not keen in re-evaluating her first during our initial meet up and now I sit here typing my frustrations because what I presented her won’t actually be feasible. In short I gave her false hope! That’s the least I wanted to do, but now I have to come to work tomorrow and tell her I wouldn’t push through with the alternative.
Sometimes I tend to get overly excited with new learning that I fail to look at the bigger picture.
This is the moral lesson of the earliest part of this day, I have to come to work with a heavy heart I know I’m still learning, everyday is a learning experience.
I always hope that I do the right thing and pray for a successful therapy every time I handle my patients. I have to live by William James quote:
The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitude.
So a boot to my anxiety and here’s to a positive attitude tomorrow! Cheers to all the health care providers out there!
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Tags: frustration, physical therapy, physiotherapy, rehabilitation, therapy, work
My ulcer listens at dirty gossip
This is like Lord of the Rings, only on a more local and realistic basis. I have a friend who keeps on bothering me with her insecurities. If I am online, instead of asking how I am she messages me with crap about someone she’s pissed with. I am over here, she’s in another country, and the target-at-large is also in another country. What the heck is this international affair about??
When she told me about her encounter with her target-at-large, I thought it was a one time deal and she’ll soon forget about it. Unfortunately since her target used to do hosting gigs at some channel overseas, she dug up some videos that she scrutinizes and makes me watch it. I keep telling myself, what the hell do I have to do with this? I try to be a good friend and listen to her qualms, but sometimes I think it’s just her insecurity and failure in accepting rejections or criticisms that keeps her motivated to talk shit (excuse me…) about the woman.
(-__-)”
Seriously, friend, you might want to grow up…even just a little bit.
I don’t appreciate dirty gossip. Who does? I don’t know, probably people who have nothing better to do. It’s just pure BS and I cannot really persuade her to stop attacking that poor girl. I’m stuck in the middle a field where two waging kingdoms are about to attack each other with full battle gear on!
“SRSLY” face.
!
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Tags: girl gossip, gossip, talk shit
…of work. As anyone could care, ever since I started working, Mr. U seldom attacks. Once it happened and I literally had my legs criss-crossed like I’m about to pee indecently. However, this time when it happened so suddenly I wanted to punch someone’s face! It distracted me from work BIG time 
To add cherry to my ulcer, my afternoon decking of patients was totally in shambles. I was running all over the place and since it is Sunday, we were understaffed. I know I was frustrated at no one in particular and I just wanted to hit something. Well perhaps there’s another reason, because of Biceps Man (sounds so wrong) too. He’s that imperfectly perfect guy I have feelings for but I desperately want to back away because of too many repercussions. Hahaha that was long and I’m going to break my phone from squeezing it too tightly if I type my reasons and heart aches over that man 💔
Going back, I was frustrated. I wanted to cry and I know I still have 4 days left before I get a day off. I just…
Despite that I managed to walk it all off, went home quietly amd walked along the paths to the bus station alone. I’ll tell you what made this day lighter.
As I was walking along that sidewalk, no one around me, I heard gentle meowing from somewhere. I looked up at the trees and saw nothing. I looked down near the gutter and I saw the smallest kitten!!! 
it literally turned my bad day opposite. Poor kitten was lost, crying out for its mommy, cautiously walking towards me. I looked like a kid, smiling so bright while watching it. Somehow I felt a pat on the back, Him giving me that reassurrance that He’ll make me happy even after a long and tiring day.
I couldn’t get a picture of the kitten. Actually, it was more like I did not want to take it out of respect for the lost soul. I wanted to hold him and take him home but part of me knows its mother is just hiding out…testing out his baby and seeing if it could survive the “real” world.
It was honestly a special encounter. I love walks. I love long walks and my solitary musings of my surrounding
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Tags: life, work
The adventures of a girl whose stomach created a life of its own by the form of an unpredictable and overly attached hyper acidic condition named The Dictator.
